At the beginning of the year I threw a list of things that last year held over a bridge into the Deleware river. Why? Because it was time to start again with a clean slate and slate pencil in hand. “Unwritten” if you will. Looking back on this past year, I can see how far God has brought me, and I have no desire to go back. This woman is done with depressed anxiety and self loathing…..and college!
After my dramatic heralding of the new year a determination needed to take over that would make this year something special. With no full-time career yet, this of course comes with a large challenge. It means no matter what, staying determined to not fall back to where I was with feeling like I’m going nowhere, and love each day because it’s where God put me, and it can be amazing.
Where I was and where I am fall miles apart from each other, but moving forward means subjecting myself to those pesky little things we call changes. It means a lot of grace towards myself, and it means a lot of work in the dreaded area of self expression needs to become a normal part of everyday life. But, hey, self expression takes many forms, so its time to find fun ones. For me, art is the best place to start.
Up until this point I’ve always shared a room, but my older sister has now tied the knot leaving me with my very first “own room”. Or as I call it, my “new life, self expression, art project.”
Right now, my room is in shambles so I decided to start with the closet. It WAS a closet, but I am changing things up and converting it into my own mini office space where I can work, blog, and store books and equipment. This is a super exciting project since I dream of renovating a whole house someday. In this first week of work I have taken my closet from an overly stuffed hoard of old stuff….and a few items of clothing, to a bright cheery, almost painted office. Soon it will be finished, and I can move on to phase 2, turning the low class cabinets into my new closet.
A little over a year ago, God started pulling me out of a depressed slump, and over the summer He helped me let go of a heavy burden. and let me know that it was time to start learning to be myself. Then in the last month of college He brought a crazy wonderful woman into my life to help me start walking with confidence again.
That is why this year I am not trying to “survive” anymore, but aiming to live, every day, to the fullest.
If you need prayer, or just somebody to talk to, I am here and would love to be there for you.