, , ,

Over the last few weeks there has been a restless longing in my heart.  As usual I didn’t take the time right away to deal with it as I knew where it was coming from.  A crazy idea I’ve had in mind for quite some time.  Not just an idea, a potential career move that is exciting and scary as all get out.
Breaking it down on a practicality scale it seems about 10% do-able, 30% a pipe dream, and 60% insane. (Like most of my ideas)
Prone to anxiety, just HAVING this idea caused fear and doubt. After many failed plans in the past, I was afraid to say anything lest I start, fail, and experience the shame of dreaded “I knew it wouldn’t last” looks.
With continued burying my thoughts under daily life, migraines became frequent, and tension grew to the point where I got angry at almost everything. (That was also my bad diet….I’m working on that)
While I was not consciously thinking about my plan, subconsciously it is eating me up and it showed. But I didn’t even know what to think! I had no idea how to approach this potential path.  It was like a vision was showing me wonders and horrors that could all come to be, with very few answers as to how to achieve anything.
But I made the decision to move forward in doing the research needed to get ready.  Suddenly, in-spite of the nerves and fear, I’m becoming a bit more grounded. The percentage of “do-able” is at 15% and rising. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
 It is time to step out, and know that God won’t let me drown as long as I continue to rely on Him every moment.
If you are in a season of change and you find it causing anxiety, take heart. Remind your anxiety that it doesn’t own you; God does. Take the help God gives and in the face of anxiety, I pray you are able to step out in trust, and press on.